There Are Two Kinds of People in this World

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who enjoy looking at tables of data, and those who don’t. It might be madness to think that someone could actually get anything at all from a matrix of values, as opposed to a pie chart – exploded or otherwise – but some people are like that.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who spend all of their available cash on holidays, and those who don’t. I’m in the former. I don’t understand what on earth the latter group spend all their money on. Is it clothes? Cocaine habits? Do they spend it all on fancy underwear, then hide it?

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who revel in the love of the countryside, the fresh clean air, and the bracing chill upon the flesh, and those who don’t. I can’t quite decide which of the two camps I belong to: I love getting out in the wilds, but I’d rather stay in the house, with a cuppa.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can think of nothing better, nothing more seductive, than curling up with a good book, and those who can think of plenty better. Even the people who love to read can often think of plenty better things to do than read a good book.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like using the telephone, and those who do not. I am most certainly in the latter. The problem is that the people who do like using the phone seem to be the ones who make the most headway in life. They can get builders and other trades to do things for them. They can get the council to come and take away unwanted bulky items. Gits.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can sit through a film without blathering on about something particularly inane, and actual civilised human beings. Guess which one I am. No.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who need to be active and sociable, with a hectic social schedule, and those who don’t. The ones who don’t, often like their own company, and feel utter revulsion at the thought of continued social interaction. They’re not wrong, you know. OK?

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can follow instructions, and those who can’t. I am so bad at dealing with people who cannot understand the instructions I give them that I end up getting angry, and screaming in their faces. I am never going to become a teacher. I’d love to.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can do things in moderation, with self-control and will-power, and those who actually exist. We all have our weaknesses, we all succumb in ways we wish we would not. Just because someone else does not succumb in the same way as you do does not mean that they do not have their own demons. We should not beat ourselves up about it.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can keep their opinions to themselves, and those who cannot. Sharing one’s views is one thing, but actively ramming them down the throats of all and sundry is distasteful. If I want to know your opinion of my musical tastes, I will ask you.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those for whom life is a constant struggle, a battle just to keep their heads above water, and those who are lucky enough not to have to experience such hardships. The latter need to remember the struggles of the former, especially if they came from similarly difficult beginnings: we shame ourselves when we forget how hard life can so often be.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who respect other people, and those who can’t.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who like a pint, and those who would prefer a glass of wine. Actually, that’s a lie. Plenty of people like both; plenty of people like neither. Just because we are able to write arbitrary distinctions down, does not mean that they hold water.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who care about what people think about them, whether in word, in deed or in appearance, and those who do not. I genuinely feel that the latter group are happier. It also seems like we move more to the latter as we move more through life.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are organised, and plan for things, and those who do not or cannot. The former group look down on the latter, as if they have devoted their entire existence to the ruination of the planners. They are often viewed as an insult to the common good.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are content, and those who are unhappy. To be content, to understand that, while your life may not be perfect, it is a good and rich existence, is one of the simplest, most truthful, joys a human being can ever actually attain. It is sadly all too rare.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can accept the endeavours of others when they take risks, and those who cannot. It takes no effort to mock someone who tries to improve themselves and the lives of those around them. It takes no effort to sneer in the face of honest human endeavour. It takes monumental effort and sacrifice to break the cycle and do something.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who know how to react when someone offers them kindness and gratitude, especially when it is out of the blue, and those who do not. I am one of the latter. If someone were to praise me I would mutter and mumble; I would probably stare at my feet; I would definitely curse my poor behaviour afterwards. It does not mean I did not feel joy.

There are two kinds of people in this world: vegans and non-vegans. It is beyond doubt that the human race, as it currently stands, would make far better use of the world’s resources, would be far better placed to feed ourselves, if we stopped eating meat and animal products. I just love bacon.

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete sets of data.

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